My first post and its about Divorce

Hi folks. Hope you are all well? I’m getting there, but gosh it has been a bit of a journey.

I’m sure my story is not untypical. Chatting to enough people and the simple statistical fact of the occurrence of divorce means that a pile of common threads appear.

In my case it was a long battle with my own personality wrappered around the idea of the sanctity of the institution trumping my own personal wellbeing. I would laugh with friends at points post separation, saying that at least there is a good book in it. Then I actually did some research.

Turns out there are 100s of books out there, describing in various levels of detail and accuracy, exactly what I have gone through. Many are written by lawyers, and their books take less than one paragraph to say sorry to all their old clients; sorry for not recognising the one area where the legal system for divorce lets people down.

And that is when you are divorcing a narcissist.

It turns out that the “no fault” system introduced to offer protections to the vulnerable and make the process less combative only works well when both parties are reasonable people. Introduce a narcissist into the mix and it becomes a shitshow; and one where the protections are all with the unreasonable partner.

Legal documents bearing promises that would trigger a contempt of court if broken in a commercial or criminal setting and have real consequence become at best advisories with no consequence or weight. The narcissist can simply make one promise or guarantee after another, break them and sail on as if nothing has happened.